<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>It's Called: Freefall by Pandora_Homeros</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27051301">It's Called: Freefall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora_Homeros/pseuds/Pandora_Homeros'>Pandora_Homeros</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Young Gods [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Autistic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Comfort/Angst, His parents sucked, M/M, Meltdown, Multi, Past Abused Deceit | Janus Sanders, Past Child Abuse, Sensory Overload, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, but they're not really in this fic, his boyfriends love him, if I need to add more tags let me know, janus has trust issues, vent fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:07:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27051301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandora_Homeros/pseuds/Pandora_Homeros</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing Janus wanted was to be a burden or worse, judged by the people he loved most. So, he kept his mouth shut. Hopefully, he could keep everything a secret. After all, he considered himself an exceptional liar. </p><p>Or</p><p>Janus hides the fact he's on the autism spectrum from all of his partners and consequently, his meltdowns due to serious trust issues. This leads to them dragging the poor guy to a mall where he has a meltdown in front of them, but instead of despising him as Janus thought, they're incredibly sweet and comforting. After all, they love him unconditionally.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton (Sanders Sides), DLAMP</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Young Gods [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974331</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's Called: Freefall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>How dare his gloves be made of cotton, indeed, a fabric he despised with every fiber of his being nevertheless any other type he had tried had been more unbearable than the last; still, how fucking dare they. Janus glared at his bright yellow gloves and shuddered at the thought of actually touching the scratchy fabric which would surely feel wrong. There wasn’t a real way to explain it except nails on a chalkboard, an indescribable pain that wracked through a person’s entire body until it ceased all noise and permitted them to relax. Yet, a memory of the suffering would remain to torment whoever had heard for years to come whenever reminded. </p><p>Those thoughts did nothing for him though, he had to stay calm enough to endure the mall. A place filled with all kinds of smells, sounds, and things. If only his boyfriends knew about his problem then they wouldn’t drag him to places he dreaded. Of course, they would need his absolute trust before he spoke on the issue. </p><p>Even a sliver of fear was enough to silence him on this issue, he couldn’t talk about it. Not for a lack of trying though, he had attempted to several times but the words never slipped past his lips. Perhaps if he wrote or texted one of them. He’d try that eventually. Yeah, eventually. </p><p>For now, the gloves. In spite of how remarkably wrong they felt while he slid them on, he knew once they were snug against his hands the texture would become bearable. He released a breath in a sigh, without them he was exposed to all sorts of feelings his mind refused to handle. </p><p>A brief moment of torture for hours of peace and respite it appeared. </p><p>He could manage for them though. Anything for them.</p><p>Things were not better at the mall, notably worse in every single way, then again he didn’t expect it to be better than the silence of his home. Regardless, an important thing to realize is exactly how many people and, in general, things were there which caught Janus’ attention. Not in the, ‘Oh, I want this’ way, but in the ‘I’m seeing each minuscule detail of the room we are currently in.’ It was exhausting and he quickly found himself winding up.</p><p>No. Not here. Just, breathe, for the love of God, breathe. He took a shaky breath and unconsciously started clenching his hands open and closed. Meanwhile, Patton was looking over some flowery dresses with Roman, grabbing a few and holding them up for his partner to see as well.</p><p>“Isn’t this so cute?!” Patton squealed and Janus cringed, unable to stop one of his hands from rubbing against his leg for a brief moment before he snapped it away from his side. </p><p>“It would look cuter on you,” Roman replied along with his rather handsome smirk. Under less straining circumstances, Janus would have taken the chance to admire his boyfriend's absolute beauty but even he couldn’t drag him out of this sensory hell. </p><p>“Everything alright?” Virgil spoke next to him and Janus had to force a smile. They couldn’t know. </p><p>“Perfect.”</p><p>Later, Roman dragged them all into a Bath and Body Works which wreaked havoc on the poor man’s nose. All of the scents mingled together in the worst of ways and Janus couldn’t help cringing as he stopped a few feet away from the entrance. </p><p>“Hey, Virgil, why don’t we go into hot topic, it’s right over there,” Janus suggested and hoped the quiver in his voice wasn’t noticeable to the others. Of course, no one seemed to hear at least. 

</p><p>Virgil shrugged and, although Roman pouted at the idea, he didn’t fight the two walking into the store right across from them. It was quite small compared to every other store, yet it was compact with everything shoved against each other. Admittedly though, he was calmer what with the dark colors instead of the bright red of Target. </p><p>“I can’t stand that store either, always gives me a headache,” He said and his only response was a small nod. At some point when the two walked in a prickling sting radiated from the center of his shoulder blades towards his lower back, almost as if someone had dropped a million fire ants into his leather jacket. Up until then, it had been a comfort considering it protected his arms from brushing against the outside world, but not now, now it imprisoned him.</p><p>Janus resisted immediately ripping it away from his body, in favor of slowly taking it off to avoid suspicion which appeared to work as Virgil paid him no mind. His attention solely on the MCR t-shirts in the corner. </p><p>“Whoa, dude, who’s your artist?” A voice spoke up from beside him and Janus made an undignified squeak. “You alright there, babes?” After a deep breath, he nodded in response, unable to trust himself not to stutter. “Well, ok.” The employee shrugged and glanced down at Janus’ left arm. Ah, yes, his ink. </p><p>Coiled around his wrist and bicep was the Egyptian god Apophis, a giant snake about to devour the sun which had been tattooed on his shoulder with lines surrounding it. The experience had been excruciating, but well worth it considering Roman made sure it was everything he had ever wanted. A literal Egyptian mythos painted on his skin forever in the most glorious way.</p><p>“Oh,” Janus said, a grin spreading on his lips as he raised his arm for the other to view it easier. “It’s the myth of Apophis, the Egyptian god of destruction.” He relaxed his shoulders and allowed the light to return to his eyes. “Ra basically dies, right? And, he has to-” Only for one of his loves to immediately crush his one chance at joy. Ok, maybe he was a tad dramatic, but still!</p><p>“Don’t get him started on that, he’ll ramble on for hours given the chance,” Virgil chuckled, he had meant it in jest, but it still created a dark pit in his stomach which twisted in a knot and made him want to curl in a hole to die. Right, he was about to info-dump and that wasn’t ok. It was stupid, what was he thinking? This stranger didn’t care, he only liked the art. The art Roman made specifically for him. </p><p>“Nah, it’s cool, babes.” The employee tapped the counter where he rested his hands. “It’s really cool, I was just wonderin' who the artist is.” Now it was Virgil’s turn to come to life, but Janus retreated in on himself before he could hear anything. </p><p>Why did he bother coming? He was clearly just a bother. </p><p>Eventually, they all met back up again and headed to the food court where the sensory torture continued. The sound of, well, everything blared around them and Janus couldn’t help but grip his pants in a vice in an attempt to not stim. Though, no one seemed to notice, as usual. </p><p>They didn’t actually care about him, they would dump his ass in an instant if they had any idea. After all, there would still be four of them, what was one less boyfriend? As a matter of fact, Janus wouldn’t blame them if they were relieved to wash their hands of him considering how much of a handful said man could become and how weak he deemed himself.</p><p>“Let’s go find a seat,” Patton cheered after Virgil and Roman walked off to order for them, then grabbed Logan’s hand but stopped when he went to hold Janus’. “Rattlesnake, what’s wrong, you’re shaking like a leaf.” Despite the noise at the food court, he could still hear the worry etched in his love’s voice however Janus neglected to file that bit of information away as he noticed he was, in fact, trembling and rocking ever so slightly.</p><p>He went to speak, ‘everything was fine’, but his jaw hung open in silence. </p><p>“Janus,” Logan said and turned towards the other man, brow furrowed in concern or confusion, but before he could say anything the screaming started. </p><p>Not from Janus, no, some random person called out over the roar of the food court to a friend on the other side, instead of simply walking over or texting them. In spite of his desperate attempts to remain calm, the sound pierced through his entire being leaving nothing but burning in its wake and one thought. </p><p>Run. </p><p>So, he ran away from his boyfriends.</p><p>There wasn’t a specific destination in mind at first, only to escape. Escape what? Everything. He ran, shoving past unsuspecting people and ignoring whoever continued to call out to him. </p><p>He needed everything to stop! It burned, please! Please, stop!</p><p>Janus sobbed and rushed into a random bathroom, which thankfully was for men and empty. Once there, a scream or more a groan forced itself past his lips, restrained and quiet yet filled with pain and frustration. He couldn’t keep silent any more, it wasn’t going to happen. </p><p>So, he cried and wailed while uncontrollably hitting the side of his head with one hand and his leg with the other. Anything to make this stop. To calm down. </p><p>He hunched over and screamed louder than before as he smashed his left hand repeatedly on the concrete wall in front of him, unable to register the pain when every sense, every nerve had been lit on fire. </p><p>“Janus, breathe, please, you’re alright,” Logan’s calm voice broke through his screaming. Janus could vaguely see his boyfriend in front of him through his tears as he fell to his knees and hunched over himself with a restricted groan. “You’re alright, breathe.” He continued and knelt beside him. “Can I touch you?” He signed yes, despite having an aversion to strangers putting their hands on him, he knew Logan and he knew his boyfriend wouldn’t use half touches. </p><p>Logan placed a firm hand on his back and rubbed soothing circles as Janus continued to cry. He was like a rock to hold onto, he remained calm and never once judged or said anything hurtful to the other. Janus would be remiss to not acknowledge its effect on him, although he did not technically calm down it kept him from lashing out physically. </p><p>“May I try something?” Janus looked up at him confused, with tears and snot running down his face, but nodded nonetheless considering he wouldn’t abuse the trust the other put in him. </p><p>Logan placed a hand over his eyes and pleasant darkness descended upon him which Janus would have been remiss to not mention how he leaned into his cool hand since it soothed the heat that had settled over him.</p><p>“Is he alright, what happened? Why is he crying?” Virgil pleaded but was cut off as Janus cried louder. Either from the new sound or from sheer embarrassment, he couldn’t tell. All he knew was the rest of them were there and they wouldn’t allow him to brush this off with a lie. </p><p>“Please, quiet, I believe he’s suffering from a sensory overload,” Logan said and removed his hand from Janus’ back. “Would you like a compression hug?” Without a second of hesitation, he nodded. It sounded amazing right now, considering he didn’t have his weighted blanket on hand. One of his boyfriends knelt next to him and pulled Janus upright to hug him tightly. Although however comforting, Logan had removed his hand from his eyes. </p><p>Janus whined loudly and squeezed them closed as the fluorescent lights of the bathroom seared through his skull. </p><p>“Shh, you’re alright, little rattlesnake,” Patton whispered and pressed Janus’s face into the crook of his neck to hide from the blaring lights. “We’ve got you.” He wanted to ask for him to hug tighter, but the words caught in his throat, of course. So, he whined again and nuzzled closer to Patton. </p><p>“Can...Can I help?” Roman asked, but Janus couldn’t hear anyone’s response, not that he was paying attention. He only felt another pair of arms wrap tighter around him and Janus would have melted if his body had allowed it, instead it remained tense and trembling in their grasp. </p><p>They stayed like that for some considerable amount of time, until Janus had completely calmed. He sniffled occasionally and his body had gone completely limp in his boyfriend's arms. Although, now he became aware of the painful throb in his hand which he could barely move. </p><p>Fuck, he had broken it again being stupid. </p><p>“Feeling better?” Patton ran a hand through his hair and Janus sighed at the comfort and the embarrassment which flourished through him. </p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry for having a meltdown, little snake,” Roman said and held him tighter. “Never.”</p><p>“He’s right, for once. It’s a response to outside stimulus,” Logan continued where the other had left off and Janus’ jaw basically dropped. Logically, he already knew that, but everyone he knew, including his parents, would scoff at the mere notion of losing control. </p><p>In fact, something similar had happened when he was younger, during a meltdown, before he knew what they were, he had punched a wall repeatedly and broken his hand. As a consequence, his mother refused to take him to the hospital because ‘if he wanted to do something stupid, then he should face the consequences.’ For months he couldn’t so much as twitch a finger without breaking down in tears, so he had to bind it with gauze to ease the pain. It had taken years for him to finally stop feeling a dull ache, but now the pain flared to a new life. </p><p>All because he acted stupid again. </p><p>“Not mad?” Janus asked to clarify, albeit muffled in Patton’s shoulder. He couldn’t see the worried glances shared between all of his boyfriends. </p><p>“No, never, why would we be mad?” Virgil spoke this time and took a sharp breath as Janus shuddered. “Your parents?” He stiffened at the mention of them, they all knew what abusive assholes they were, but they had no idea the full extent. Them slamming him into corners and beating on him with closed fists for a slight he couldn’t understand. Them screaming at him whenever he had a meltdown and calling him all sorts of horrible things. Them laughing whenever teachers suggested anything was different about him. </p><p>The neglect and manipulation might have been worse though. They had no idea how many times his parents refused to get him help as some sort of punishment. God, he felt sick and exhausted. All he wanted was to return home, sleep for four hours, and pretend this never happened. </p><p>His partners had met his parents once which had been enough for all of them to collectively lose their shit. His mother had said something hurtful again and slapped him for some unknown reason. ‘I’m your mother, I can hit you all I want.’ It had taken the combined forces of Logan, Patton, and Janus pleading voice to hold Virgil and Roman back from decking her right there. Logan suggested calling the cops, but his mother only laughed which made all his boyfriends see even more red. Including the normally stoic Logan.</p><p>Honestly, he had no idea how they got out of there without the law becoming involved. </p><p>“Love, we wouldn’t...we’re not like those monsters,” Roman said, albeit it strained with suppressed anger.</p><p>“People who actually love you would never hurt you intentionally,” Patton muttered. Fresh tears sprung to Janus’ eyes, he only wished he could look up and see the loving faces of the only people who truly cared about him. </p><p>He loved them and they loved him unconditionally, he could make it with them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I disappear for 2 months then come back with this? Yeah, I haven't had the best of times, I'll spare you the details, and needed a bit of a vent. </p><p>I ended up loving this AU idea though, so I will definitely add to it occasionally. </p><p>If you have any ideas or stuff you wanna see, do leave a comment! I love hearing from people ^^</p><p>Anyway, thanks for reading!</p><p>I have a baby discord if you wanna join too <br/>https://discord.gg/W4v94bm</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>